Overwhelmed Parents

My subject today involves the very tricky art of saying no when someone asks something of us. My story begins with our 4 year old who just began a new preschool, one that my partner and I are very enthusiastic about. The school has a focus on community which is why I originally fell in love with it. As the year began I started to notice that I also felt overwhelmed by it. In the first week emails filled my box with news of upcoming potlucks, volunteer opportunities, family days at the park, policies and procedures, new parents night, open house night, info on how to be a peanut free school etc. . . I was able to remain in balance as I reassured myself that I had power and control to pick and choose one or two opportunities and feel that I had done my part. Quickly I lost my bearings and became uncomfortably consumed with pressure to sign up for all the events. Then I was asked to be a room parent. Yes I was flattered, but the commitment to that responsibility just tipped the scale. So how do we say no? How do we say no and feel clear and guilt free. So many of us are committed to activities, professional responsibilities, committees, groups and relationships because we think we "should" or that it simply feels too difficult to say no. When we are overbooked life flies by in front of our eyes. We lose the ability to be present with what and who we cherish. We focus more on that our child isn't putting on his or her shoe then on the amazingly creative song he/she is spontaneously composing in front of our eyes. We forget to give our spouse/partner a kiss (with feeling) in the morning because our mind is so full of all that we want to accomplish. When overbooked we are rarely "there" with where we are because we are always anticipating the next thing. I fear that living a life which is too full can lead to regrets later in life. In my situation I was eventually able to decline the opportunity to be a room parent. I think I was able to do so because I took a little time to sweep the obligation and guilt out of the way and examined the situation to see if this would be a commitment that would also benefit my life. The answer was ultimately no. I sensed that I would much rather participate in other events like cooking fun meals for class potlucks, attend the fall festival or help individual families that I personally connected to. I also believed that someone else would do a wonderful job and when the right opportunity comes along I would have the energy to pursue it. How do all of you out there say no? Do you say no? Till next time . . .

Sarah Palin And Same Sex Marriage

Hello out there! This month has brought new concern as I am truly worried as never before that McCain and Palin will be voted in. They both oppose gay marriage and adoption by GLBT parents. This chills me to the core. In Massachusetts we have this bubble of security as one of the only states with legal marriage and the ability to co adopt. My partner and I happily agreed that for a number of reasons we would use an anonymous donor and she would carry and birth both of children. We went through a legal adoption for both kids to ensure my rights as a mother and both of our names are on the birth certificate. Even though I thought it absurd and maddening that I had to adopt my own children, I knew that this was so much farther that most states in the USA have achieved in terms of rights. As a new parent I was constantly aware that some people would not see me as a "real" mother. The emotion and rage that thought brought has subsided much as our boys grow but always looms somewhere. We have chosen to live in a town that has oodles of two mommy and two daddy families. The schools we trust our children to fully embrace and celebrate our family. I know that the world is not like this. All I have to do is travel out of our happy valley and I can sense homophobia in every direction. I want to hear from those of you who are bravely raising children with or without full legal rights. I want to know where you get your strength from and let others be inspired by that . Till next time . . .